Every parent wants to hear their child say, “I want to be with you.” But in today’s busy life, children may sometimes prefer their phone, friends, television or games over spending time with parents.
This does not always mean that the child does not love you.
Often, children naturally move towards the person with whom they feel safe, understood, respected and emotionally connected. Psychological research shows that a strong parent-child relationship is built through hundreds of small everyday interactions—not through expensive gifts, perfect parenting or giving children everything they ask for.
Responsive relationships are considered an important foundation for healthy brain development, emotional regulation and resilience.
So, if you want your child to genuinely enjoy being around you, try these simple psychology-based parenting habits.
1. Stop Trying to “Fix” Every Feeling
One common parenting mistake is immediately trying to solve a child’s problem.
Your child says:
“My friend didn’t play with me today.”
You may immediately say:
“Why didn’t you play with someone else?”
“Don’t worry.”
“Next time make another friend.”
But your child may actually need something much simpler:
“That must have hurt. Tell me what happened.”
When parents listen before giving advice, children learn that their emotions are acceptable.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends communication that helps children identify and express feelings rather than relying on yelling or criticism.
Try saying:
- “I understand why you feel upset.”
- “Tell me more.”
- “What happened next?”
- “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?”
Sometimes, being heard is more powerful than being advised.
2. Give Your Child Your Full Attention
You don’t need to spend five hours playing with your child.
Sometimes, 10 minutes of completely undistracted attention can be more meaningful than hours of being physically present while looking at your phone.
Put your phone away.
Look at your child.
Listen.
Play.
Talk.
Laugh.
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that even short periods of distraction-free communication can help build healthy family communication.
UNICEF also highlights the importance of being present and creating small daily moments of connection.
You can create a simple daily ritual:
“10-minute special time.”
During those 10 minutes, let your child choose the activity.
No teaching.
No correcting.
No phone.
Just connection.
3. Let Your Child Lead Sometimes
Parents naturally want to control activities:
“Do this.”
“Sit properly.”
“Don’t play like that.”
“Study first.”
“Don’t touch that.”
Of course, children need boundaries. But if every interaction becomes an instruction, the child may start associating your presence with pressure and correction.
During playtime, try allowing your child to lead.
If your child is building a tower, instead of saying:
“Make it properly.”
Try:
“Wow! You made such a tall tower.”
Child-directed play and positive attention are recommended approaches for supporting children’s emotional and social development.
Your message becomes:
“I enjoy spending time with you—not only correcting you.”
That can make a huge difference.
4. Praise Effort, Not Just Results
Many children grow up hearing:
“Did you get good marks?”
“Why didn’t you come first?”
“How many marks did your friend get?”
Over time, the child may start believing:
“My parents are happy with me only when I perform well.”
Instead, notice effort.
Say:
- “I saw how hard you worked.”
- “You didn’t give up.”
- “You improved from last time.”
- “I am proud of your effort.”
- “You handled that situation really well.”
Positive reinforcement helps children understand which behaviours are valued and encourages them to repeat those behaviours.
The goal is not to praise every small thing artificially.
It is to notice genuine positive behaviour.
5. Don’t Humiliate Your Child When They Make Mistakes
A child who breaks a glass may hear:
“You are so careless!”
A child who gets low marks may hear:
“You will never become anything.”
A child who makes a mistake in front of relatives may be publicly criticised.
Such words may stop behaviour temporarily, but they can damage emotional connection.
The American Academy of Pediatrics states that yelling, shaming and humiliating children are not effective long-term discipline strategies and recommends positive approaches instead.
Correct the behaviour, not the child’s identity.
Instead of:
“You are lazy.”
Say:
“You didn’t complete your homework today. Let’s understand what made it difficult.”
There is a huge psychological difference between:
“You are bad.”
and
“That behaviour needs to change.”
6. Create Small Family Rituals
Children often remember small repeated moments more than expensive experiences.
For example:
- Sunday breakfast together
- Bedtime storytelling
- Evening walk
- Five-minute bedtime conversation
- Saturday family game
- Having tea or milk together
- A special hug before school
- Asking one interesting question at dinner
These rituals create emotional predictability.
The child begins to think:
“This is our special time.”
Responsive back-and-forth interactions—sometimes described as “serve and return”—help support children’s social, emotional and communication development.
7. Respect Their Growing Independence
As children grow, they want more control over their lives.
They may choose their clothes, hobbies, friends, interests and sometimes even disagree with you.
This can feel like:
“My child is becoming distant.”
But independence does not necessarily mean rejection.
Healthy parenting allows children to become independent while maintaining emotional connection. UNICEF’s recent positive-parenting guidance emphasises both connection and age-appropriate boundaries.
Instead of controlling every decision, give limited choices:
“Do you want to finish your homework before dinner or after dinner?”
“Would you like the blue shirt or the green one?”
The child experiences:
“My parents guide me, but they also respect me.”
8. Put Boundaries Around Screens—Without Making Yourself the Enemy
Screens are one of the biggest parenting challenges today.
If every conversation about the phone becomes:
“Give me your phone!”
“Stop watching!”
“You are addicted!”
the phone can become a source of conflict between parent and child.
Instead, create family rules that are clear, consistent and predictable.
For younger children especially, parents should focus on age-appropriate screen use and spend time engaging with children rather than using screens as a substitute for interaction.
Try:
“Let’s finish this episode, and then we’ll go for our walk.”
You are setting a boundary without turning the relationship into a daily battle.
9. Apologise When You Are Wrong
This is one of the most powerful parenting lessons.
Parents sometimes believe:
“If I apologise to my child, they will stop respecting me.”
Actually, a healthy apology can teach emotional maturity.
If you shouted unnecessarily, say:
“I was angry, but I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I’m sorry.”
You are teaching your child:
Strong people can admit mistakes.
Children learn not only from what parents tell them, but also from what parents model.
10. Become Their Safe Place—Not Their Perfect Parent
Your child does not need a perfect parent.
They need a parent who is emotionally available and reasonably consistent.
A child should feel:
“I can tell my mother when I am scared.”
“I can tell my father when I made a mistake.”
“I can talk about embarrassing things without being immediately judged.”
A stable, supportive relationship with at least one caring adult is considered a major protective factor for children’s resilience.
This does not mean allowing everything.
You can be loving and have boundaries.
You can say:
“I love you, but I won’t allow you to hit your sister.”
“I understand you’re angry, but we still need to follow this rule.”
That is positive discipline: connection + guidance + boundaries.
The 5-Minute Connection Rule
If you want to start today, don’t try to change everything.
Start with just five minutes every day.
Put your phone away.
Sit beside your child.
Ask:
“What was the best part of your day?”
Then ask:
“What was the hardest part?”
Listen without immediately correcting.
Give them a hug if they are comfortable with it.
And finish with:
“I love spending time with you.”
Do this consistently.
The goal is not to make your child dependent on you. The goal is to create a relationship in which your child feels safe enough to come back to you.
Positive parenting is associated with open communication, self-esteem, emotional development and healthier parent-child relationships.
Final Thought
If you want your child to love being around you, don’t ask only:
“How can I make my child obey me?”
Ask:
“How does my child feel when they are with me?”
Do they feel judged—or understood?
Controlled—or guided?
Ignored—or heard?
Afraid of mistakes—or safe enough to learn from them?
Children may forget many things you bought for them.
But they are likely to remember how they felt in your presence.
So give them your attention.
Listen to their little stories.
Respect their feelings.
Set loving boundaries.
Play with them.
Apologise when necessary.
And make your home a place where your child knows:
“I don’t have to be perfect here. I am loved here.”
That is the kind of emotional connection that can make children genuinely **want to be around their parents—not because they have to, but because they feel good, safe and understood when they are there.**